A good moan

Now I actually hate it when I hear people ranting about public transport in London, but I think I deserve my contribution this week.

Have you ever been told off by a bus driver?

In fact, this is something that has happened to me on more than one occasion. The first involved a certain bus route where the two services were the 220 and 270, virtually impossible to distinguish until the very last minute, and resulting in sometimes stopping a bus, only to then not get on. But most recently, I was sat at the bus stop on my way to work, engrossed in a world of Justin Timberlake on my iPod, when my bus approached. I didn't see it in time to have made my presence known at the bus stop, but the bus stopped anyway to let some crazy Tooting residents off, so I jumped up to get on it. The front bus doors opened, and as I fumbled about to try and turn the volume on my iPod down whilst simultaneously locate my Oyster card in the chasmic compartments of my bag, the bus driver looked at me sternly and said ' You have to flag the bus down if you want to get on, we don't stop automatically you know'. My surprise at being reprimanded over my failure to engage in passenger signaling etiquette, meant I simply looked at him with a baffled expression. Then, he added the grumpy warning 'Next time, I won't stop, you know'.

What?!

To start with, I was not aware that there was a public transport sanctioning system in place for people who fail to observe these unwritten commuter rules. Secondly, what exactly were the chances of him driving the same bus on another morning, recognising me at the bus stop and refusing to stop in order to teach me a lesson? Perhaps though, this explained those times when buses mysteriously failed to stop despite the frantic waving of potential passengers, it was all part of an elaborate discipling regime. I really resented this chastisement though, considering how once on the bus, people seem to be free to do whatever they like. Someone even tried to sell me a pirated DVD of Spiderman 3 on the bus last week. Perhaps it's just Tooting buses.

And road rage. Now I'm not talking about lack of tolerance at other people's mistakes or inconsideration, but completely unhinged behaviour at other drivers doing anything that impedes their intended route. For example, yesterday I needed to turn my car round before starting my journey, and after looking round carefully before the maneuver, and indicating, despite the empty street, as soon as I attempted to swing it round in the nearest right hand turning, a huge 4x4 vehicle whizzed out of nowhere behind me. I pulled over to let it pass, but no, this was not acceptable. Despite my petite Peugeot leaving enough room for a double decker to pass by, I had committed the crime of interrupting the intended passage of this oversized, overpriced beast. The driver instantly stopped, got out and began ranting inanely at me. The community police officer who happened to be passing immediately came to my rescue, appalled that my abuser was half as tall again and twice the width of me. There was no need though, for as soon as I launched into my vitriolic counter-attack the other driver was gone in a cowardly puff of carbon-emitting exhaust. Humph.

While I'm at it...

Why is it that Starbucks now have a leaflet in stores telling you exactly how many calories are in your Mocha?
Why is it that when you have no money and casually wander into Topshop you find the perfect bag, and it costs £100 when all the others are £35?
Why is it that men pretend they can't iron?

Is it just me?