Hen night season

It seems that wedding season has started again, and more importantly, hen night season. Now a male friend of mine recently enquired as to what 'really happens' on hen nights. My answer was as truthful as his response as to what 'really happens' on stag nights, for as we all know: what happens on tour, stays on tour...but I have made a few wry observations from my own experiences...

1. Hen nights bring together ladies of all circumstances, and those with husbands and children are those who actually drink the most, behave in the most lewd manner, and generally spend the night egging the hen on to have one last snog, and then demonstrating this themselves in an...errr...attempt to convey the crucial importance of this to the hen. Shameful.

2. Naturally leading on from this, the single ladies are the ones that drink less, pull less, and go home the earliest. Obviously this isn't their only excuse or opportunity to let their hair down. Quite.

3. The formation of a group of ladies who quite often don't know each other (being a collection of school friends, university friends, work colleagues, sister-in-laws etc) and the addition of 10 bottles of rose result in a sense of touching camaraderie, friendship and loyalty over their night of hilarious antics, and all look forward to meeting up again at the actual wedding.

4. When the wedding actually happens, everyone sticks at the side of their husband/boyfriend/date and just politely smiles at all the other hens. Everyone has something to hide. No one wants anyone to discuss or reveal what really happened, although they may make snide comments to their husband/boyfriend/date such as 'yes, that's her, the one that did the thing I told you about' in order to divert from their own guilty conscience.

5. Everyone is very interested to see what everyone else's other half looks like. They already have heard about their inadequate lovemaking/kinky preferences/disgusting personal habits after the game of truth and dare back at the hotel after that bottle of vodka was drunk. Fascinating, and in many cases, explains a lot.

6. A stripper is not a good idea.

7. I did warn you, a stripper is not a good idea.

8. Look, take it from me. I have been on enough hen nights to know for certain that a stripper is NEVER A GOOD IDEA.

9. Though if that Polish barman wants to strip whilst making our cocktails, for a tip, then that's ok.

I dread to think of what really goes on at stag dos, though I actually suspect that more happens on hen dos. Men are pretty predictable - alcohol, drugs, lapdancers, kebab... I was once at a hen do when the organising bridesmaid suggested that everyone strip off together in the hotel room and find an appropriate object to protect their modesty for a group photo. It seemed hilarious at the time, but in retrospect is actually rather odd. Any guys reading this will assume that in our tipsy state this 'naturally' descended into some sort of orgy...well let me tell you, you've been watching too much porn...and what happens on tour, stays on tour...